Now the title suggests one big long rant, so I’ll start from the very beginning…
This is not a rant at Simon Pegg, he was just as polite and as friendly as I remember him. The first time I met him was while he was doing the publicity for Hot Fuzz at The London MCM Expo, both him and Nick Frost spoke to me about the picture I had brought for them to sign. It was a great experience and I left with the largest smile on my face. To really understand how happy I have to go back as far as Big Train a sketch show series that Simon (I’ve met the guy twice now, we’re on first name terms…) starred in. He was great in it and had some of my favourite sketches like no wanking in the office, scared of spoons or the brilliant FAT HANDED TWAT!
Of course it wasn’t until Spaced that the bromance really blossomed! Let me take this moment to tell you that Simon Pegg has what all male geeks are attempting to attain, not only is he famous and well loved but he’s had the chance to meet all the people he never dreamed of meeting; got to be a zombie extra for George A.Romero, has starred in a Star Trek movie, met George Lucas and Quentin Tarantino! Most self confessed geeks will never get to do these things; most of us hide away in our hobbit holes and discuss (in length) whether or not Han Solo shot first. In this sense he is the ultimate geek, not a king or god or anything like that just a geek like the rest of us that has something we don’t. Confidence, talent and comic timing assigned to only the greatest of on screen comics.
That’s enough inflating of the man’s ego, it should however tell you why I decided to go and wait outside Waterstones yesterday for four and a half hours to see the man. Now when you arrive early for someone like Simon Pegg you are with a certain breed of geek. Now I’m not saying I’m better than them but these are the people that discuss sci fi facts down to the episode and date and time of when Kirk faced off against Spock! There is nothing wrong with this kind of knowledge I just don’t understand why these geeks feel the need to prove it to you, it’s not a competition! I don’t care what you know! Someone in the queue looked at me like I was the freak when I said “oh I’m just a big fan” in answer to the why are you here question. One gentleman near me who was clearly a collector felt like getting my attention with photos of the stars he had seen and got autographs off. I was able to ignore him till he let of a rather loud scoff of annoyance because a signature was smudged(it really wasn’t that bad!), he the proceeded to tell me of who he had met, how he had met them and what he thought of them.
Now I’ll admit some of his anecdotes were funny, but I was being talked at and I hate that! There were several facts about more recent films he got wrong, I knew it but couldn’t be bothered to get into some big geek debate. Eventually I closed him out with the inception soundtrack booming in my ears. Though he was able to do that to other people in the queue but they were more up for the “No I’m a bigger geek than you!” debate, I just felt like screaming “look I’m not like you I have spikey hair, leave me alone!”. Eventually they let us in, now the weather at the moment (yes I’m going to talk about the weather) is not extremely cold, unless of course your out stood in it for a very long time! My feet and legs had started to go numb by the time they said we could go and wait inside. I’m not complaining about that its just helps to understand the frustration later.
Standing in the crime section looking at the table Simon will be sat at surrounded by copies of his book; I began thinking about what the hell I was going to say to the guy! I didn’t want to gush but I also didn’t want to be silent. The important thing for me at least is; will I be memorable? Will Simon Pegg remember signing my book, the answer of course is no, how could he with so many people meeting him in circumstance like this! I thought of telling him I loved his work, nah to gushy! I thought of asking him for a hug, nah the tables to wide to reach over! I thought of telling him how I had met him before but like I said he wouldn’t have remembered. In the end I decided I would ask him to make the book out to my wife (Naomi, With Love Simon Pegg). I had indoctrinated her using Spaced you see and already had something made out to me so thought it would be nice. I also decided I would try and plug my blog, shameless I know but if I could get someone famous to read it and tell me what he thought it would get noticed. So I wrote Beeonfilm on a receipt I had and planned to give it to him.
The “collector” was still going on about the poor hapless souls next to us and the Waterstones staff were buzzing about here and there. In the “press pit” (a small fenced area) photographers get warmed up till finally Simon appears. He smiles and waves at the people waiting, he is courteous and patient with the press as they tell him to look here there and everywhere. Eventually he sits down and people begin walking forward to meet the man.
Now the beginning of my rant, baring everything in mind! The people at the front with me had been waiting nigh on 5 hours and we were all nervous about meeting someone we are fanatical about, all of us wondering what we’re going to say! So when I reach the table and my book has been handed to him he says hi and someone to our left decides now would be a good time to tell him that “it’s bringing a tear to my eye”… well excuse me but who are you? I have been waiting outside in the cold for ages to talk to this man and you butt in when I’ve only just said hello! I already felt small next to this man now you’re making it worse with a false sense of heart felt emotion! You’ve had your chance publicist, PR man, friend or just hanger on now it’s my turn. I tell him could you write with love Simon Pegg to my wife, He asks me how to spell her name; I tell him. At this point someone at our right puts him off trying to hand him the book of the next person! Excuse me he’s signing mine right now, oh and look because you distracted him he’s signed it wrong! I get a photo (the one above) I say thanks Simon and shake the mans hand, I ask him to google beeonfilm and read what he finds there (if you are reading this Simon: thank you so much for being you and giving my blog a chance). Of course at that point another book has been pushed in front of him and a security guy who has no idea how important this is to me ushers me on. After I realise that the piece of paper with beeonfilm on it is still squashed in the palm of my hand covered in perspiration like some sodden toilet tissue. Some girl speeds past me with her 5 copies she took to the table delighted with the amount of time she got with the man! Is this what I need to do, buy the book 5 times just so I can get more time with him! I resist the temptation to punch her in the face and leave.
I move on, again with a smile but with a bitter feeling of disappointment! Simon will never remember what I said to him, why? because of the inconsiderate pricks that flag him like flies around a turd! If any were family please excuse me, I don’t mean to offend its just I love this mans work I will only ever get a handful of times to meet him and make sure he knows this. You have a lot more time that that! This is why I won’t bother anymore because of arsehole publicists, PR people, security and general people just hanging around who have no idea how important these moments are for the fans! There you go rant over, I’ll go back in my hobbit hole now and watch Spaced with the commentary on…
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